New Year with many Changes...Can't Wait!

Oh my goodness it's 2012! This is going to be a great year I've decided. It already has been so far. I have such amazing friends and wonderful family. I am so blessed and I am trying more and more to never take all these blessing forgranted.

At the end of 2011 I found out I have Celiac Disease (Gluten Intolerance) and that is one of the main reasons I have been sick for many years with multiple problems. I have dealt with internal bleeding, daily headaches, stomach pain on almost a daily basis and after every time I ate. I was feeling pretty discouraged so I went to the doctor. I had 11 viles of blood taken to run many tests and see if we could figure anything out. I will never forget the thought that passed through my head when the doctor told me what I had. I had an image of a warm homemade dinner roll steaming in front of me, and the thought of never being able to enjoy these delicious little heaven sents almost brought a tear to my eye. I LOVE bread. In fact I can be quoted on many occasions stating that if I had to eat bread and bread alone, id be just fine. Well now I can't have any of it at all. I immediately began to think, "I am going to die".

I bought the books and decided I should start mentally preparing for my ultimate cut out of my favorite things. I decided I would continue to enjoy and suffer through the end of the year and start this new year a fresh and follow my doctors orders. I found myself savoring the flavor of my poppy seed muffin a little more than usual. I looked in the bakery section of the grocery stores like an empty hole in my soul. When New Years came, it was like something just clicked into gear and I didn't want bread (mental preparation is the bomb). I find taking my 8 plus supplements a day and my weekly shot of B-12 in my lower back is easier than I ever thought it would be. Although the first time I took my vitamins and powders I was so full I couldn't eat my lunch. I have had to adjust to drinking my shake in the morning (I usually skipped breakfast due to the fact that it always made me sick) and now I can keep them down.

I already feel so much better mentally and physically. I feel braced for change and have an attitude of "bring it on and love it".  Not only do I have such wonderful support from my family, but my Mom just found out she has it as well (its genetic) so we have teamed up as partners through this. Westin has jumped on board as well (he has no colon and that is usually where Celiac is attacking first) so I think its safe to say Wes will benefit from this change as well.

This year is going to be a great one. I have so much planned and so much I wanna do. I am going to walk forward and be thankful for where I am right now. I am happy. I have great friends and an amazing family. I am lucky.

metaphorically speaking...you can kiss my....:)

Well well well. It is amazing how much can happen within a little time frame. How much a little time can allow things to change so drastically and in more ways than one. Its been said that "time heals all things" and I used to think that this meant, if I waited patiently, all would go back to normal, like this change never happened..over time I have come to realize that much like a wound, we can heal and be better, but we most likely will always have that scar as a reminder that this change really did occur. To me the phrase "time heals all things" personally means that even though change is happening or happened, doesn't mean we get a do-over or we can mold back to our original shape, but we learn to adapt to our new shape and the change becomes our new norm. That scar will be there to remind us what we endured and what we can endure, but is now part of our past.
One of my main focuses Ive been trying to imply in my life is to live more in the present rather than dwell on my past, or try to see too far into the future. It tires me, and only brings me down to dwell on the things that have happened, or stress too much on what I want for my future. I'm trying to learn to be present in my life here and now.I used to think that I had to find someone in similar situations I find myself in to know that my life is somewhat "normal"....but that would mean that someone would have had to be the first to be in that situation to give others something to relate too. After thinking about this, I decided, why can't I be this person who paves a different path for others to relate to. I don't need to follow when I am perfectly capable of leading. Whether anyone "follows' doesn't matter, the point that matters is that I was brave enough to turn my path and trek onto unfamiliar ground. This is all metaphorically speaking of coarse
Ive been learning more and more lately to trust in myself. To love who I am and what I stand for, and to be proud of myself. This is not an easily acquired achievement. For someone to be able to say they love themselves and the person they are, is an ability that one is lucky to have and that many search for. It is also an ability that doesn't come easy, if there is anyone that says it does come easily, they are surely mistaken or born perfect. I choose to go with the first choice. I used to think that loving the person I am made me selfish, but that's wrong. Learning to love ourselves as a person humbles us. For someone to say, OK, I'm not perfect, I make some stupid decisions, but I love the person I am, is an amazing accomplishment that shouldn't be taken lightly. It is admitting we aren't perfect, it is admitting fault, not hiding or denying or blaming others. It is standing proud in our own feet. I can't honestly stand here today and say. I love myself completely, it is a process that is ever changing. It is something one must work to maintain. You don't reach a point of self accomplishment and then never have to work for it again. Its like a wild horse, you don't just tame it and then send it into the wild thinking it will stay tamed. You work with it, maintain it and that is what balances it out. What I can honestly say is that I do look into the mirror more lately and think, wow I look pretty today, or nice smile, I walk a little taller knowing I am me, I am flawed but i am ok with that. Being ok with being flawed makes me feel a whole lot better than feeling I have to be perfect.

this secret you gave me, could destroy someone I care for.....don't let it slip

I love you both, but this secret is like a GIANT hole between us. Please don't ruin it for him. I love you no matter what! J and A

I love the feeling that people feel they can talk to me, but when you tell me a deep secret that will literally alter someones life, I can't help but wish you didn't steal that privacy from them. It ends with my ears!!

Time we steal!!

Oh my goodness, I have been so stinkin busy that I have completely neglected my blog. Well my dear ol blog, Its time we steal a moment and catch up.

Casey is home from his mission. Yay! He is now working at Kolob Care Center (started today) and he is adjusting to being home alot easier than I honestly thought he would... To be honest, I thought he was going to be super duper wierd and preachy. He's just same ol' Casey, with a little of the preachy. Nah he's awesome. Gosh! He's been home over a month now. Jeeez, time flies.

Halloween was fun. I decided to dress up as a Zoltar type thing but with my own girly spin on it. I didn't want to rock a mustache and crazy hat. So I ended up being a fortune teller in a booth type thing. I wont first place! Boo-ya. But honestly, I wouldn't have won without the help from Mom, Westin and Casey who all worked so much harder than I did to make my costume. I bought everyone dinner that night to thank them for helping me win. It was a fun day! Westin made it into the top 10 of his entire school. He was the Tin Man. It was fun stuff. * He drove home that day and almost crashed trying to see his eyes were burning so bad. He got some of the makeup in them. Oooops!

My baby girl (cat) Paisley died last month. That was heart breaking. I raised her from 3 weeks old. She was still nursing when I got her, so I had to bottle feed her, and "change" her diapers. She couldn't potty on her own she was sitll so little. She was my little quirk miester. She never could meow, she squeeked. Her tail wasn't graceful like Misty, it was choppy like a cow's is. She chased her own tail up until the day she left us. She would chase it all over the yard. That was one of my most favorite things to watch about her. She would focus so intently on it moving and them bam! She was off all over the yard hopping and twisting and grabbing, she would chase it, and even run from it. When we got her fixed they clipped the tip of one of her ears off. This upset me greatly, but it was so they know that she was fixed, because they had a lot of repeat customers I guess. Anywho, I came to adore her little chopped ear. It just added to her personality. She had a litter of kittens, and shortly after all of her eyebrows on one side of her face fell out. At first they broke in half and I thought for sure either Westin or Mom had got at her with a pair of scissors thinking it would be funny. Turns out they were truthful that they didn't do it, because later they just fell out. Haha, they came back of coarse. After her first litter of kittens was old enough to give away, thats when I took her in to be fixed. Turns out she was pregnant again, but they can't tell before they do the surgery, so she lost a litter of 6 kittens. They weren't very old at all, but still. It broke my heart as Im sure it did hers. But now I like to think of Paisley in heaven with her 6 little babies chasing little butterflies, and perhaps their tails.

Im still working like crazy at the Marriott hotels. I love my job! I love the people I work with, the friends ive made and honestly what I do. Its just wonderful to love going to work. I have made some amazing friends while working their and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are my besties. I can be me with them. We have so much fun doing new and crazy things together. I just love em!

We also had Westins truck brought down from orem...FINALLY! He has been working on it like crazy and it is running, he just needs to get it licensed. Yay, can't wait. Its a freakin beast. The day it showed up was freakin priceless, Wes lost it with excitement. Infact while sitting out front with his "girls" the moment the hauler turned the corner the girls started freaking out so he sat up and saw it and screamed "Are you freaking kidding me" and then he smiled for about 10 hours straight. Good times.

I have been so busy with life and working that I feel time is just flying by. I am so excited for the Holidays and to just enjoy being around my family and my friends. This next year is going to be a crazy good one. I am planning on it. I can't wait! 2012 bring it on!

It's a little bizzare, but it works, I guess (LIFE)