Thursday
little things i love
Sometimes in life its the little things that matter most. Coming home from a long day at work to see your house with the warm glow of life and happiness (and the lights of coarse) and find your family inside doing things here or there but together. I love sitting on the couch after work watching cheesy shows like the Big Bang Theory and That 70's Show, or my current favorite New Girl. I love that feeling I get going to work knowing I have the next day off and trying to decide what movie I should rent to celebrate. I even tend to love cleaning and going through all my things to organize. I love the feeling of getting to go hop into my cozy bed and go to sleep. I love naps and I love cheese. I love getting together with my friends for dinner and movie nights. I love goofing off and laughing until we almost pee our pants. I love feeling comfortable. I love my brothers dog Sadie and the joy she brings just by being her. I love that I can pet her and feel how much she really loves me as she leans on my leg to be close to me. She craves that constant touch just like we humans do just to generate that feeling of love and warmth. I love hugs. Hugs mean so much. I love when the words "I love you" are said seriously and are truly meant not just because its hip to say. I love that I dont care what others think about me or what I do, I dance to my own rythymn and make my own beat. I love that I have family. I love my Grandparents. I love laughing, singing, dancing, writing, and drawing (even though I really can't scetch more than a stick figure). I love pranks. I love pulling them and I love being a part of them. I am sadly like Big Daddy in the way that people tripping or biffing it makes me laugh. I love watching biff video's (not the graphic seriously hurt ones) but when a person does something stupid and hurts themselves I can't help but laugh. I love little babies and how "new" they are. I love honesty. I love communication. I love animals. I love rain. I love the smell of rain before, during, and after it rains. I love bath salts (even though I rarely take baths). I love painting my nails. I love being in my pajamas. I love being outside. I love alot of things.
Wednesday
New Year with many Changes...Can't Wait!
Oh my goodness it's 2012! This is going to be a great year I've decided. It already has been so far. I have such amazing friends and wonderful family. I am so blessed and I am trying more and more to never take all these blessing forgranted.
At the end of 2011 I found out I have Celiac Disease (Gluten Intolerance) and that is one of the main reasons I have been sick for many years with multiple problems. I have dealt with internal bleeding, daily headaches, stomach pain on almost a daily basis and after every time I ate. I was feeling pretty discouraged so I went to the doctor. I had 11 viles of blood taken to run many tests and see if we could figure anything out. I will never forget the thought that passed through my head when the doctor told me what I had. I had an image of a warm homemade dinner roll steaming in front of me, and the thought of never being able to enjoy these delicious little heaven sents almost brought a tear to my eye. I LOVE bread. In fact I can be quoted on many occasions stating that if I had to eat bread and bread alone, id be just fine. Well now I can't have any of it at all. I immediately began to think, "I am going to die".
I bought the books and decided I should start mentally preparing for my ultimate cut out of my favorite things. I decided I would continue to enjoy and suffer through the end of the year and start this new year a fresh and follow my doctors orders. I found myself savoring the flavor of my poppy seed muffin a little more than usual. I looked in the bakery section of the grocery stores like an empty hole in my soul. When New Years came, it was like something just clicked into gear and I didn't want bread (mental preparation is the bomb). I find taking my 8 plus supplements a day and my weekly shot of B-12 in my lower back is easier than I ever thought it would be. Although the first time I took my vitamins and powders I was so full I couldn't eat my lunch. I have had to adjust to drinking my shake in the morning (I usually skipped breakfast due to the fact that it always made me sick) and now I can keep them down.
I already feel so much better mentally and physically. I feel braced for change and have an attitude of "bring it on and love it". Not only do I have such wonderful support from my family, but my Mom just found out she has it as well (its genetic) so we have teamed up as partners through this. Westin has jumped on board as well (he has no colon and that is usually where Celiac is attacking first) so I think its safe to say Wes will benefit from this change as well.
This year is going to be a great one. I have so much planned and so much I wanna do. I am going to walk forward and be thankful for where I am right now. I am happy. I have great friends and an amazing family. I am lucky.
At the end of 2011 I found out I have Celiac Disease (Gluten Intolerance) and that is one of the main reasons I have been sick for many years with multiple problems. I have dealt with internal bleeding, daily headaches, stomach pain on almost a daily basis and after every time I ate. I was feeling pretty discouraged so I went to the doctor. I had 11 viles of blood taken to run many tests and see if we could figure anything out. I will never forget the thought that passed through my head when the doctor told me what I had. I had an image of a warm homemade dinner roll steaming in front of me, and the thought of never being able to enjoy these delicious little heaven sents almost brought a tear to my eye. I LOVE bread. In fact I can be quoted on many occasions stating that if I had to eat bread and bread alone, id be just fine. Well now I can't have any of it at all. I immediately began to think, "I am going to die".
I bought the books and decided I should start mentally preparing for my ultimate cut out of my favorite things. I decided I would continue to enjoy and suffer through the end of the year and start this new year a fresh and follow my doctors orders. I found myself savoring the flavor of my poppy seed muffin a little more than usual. I looked in the bakery section of the grocery stores like an empty hole in my soul. When New Years came, it was like something just clicked into gear and I didn't want bread (mental preparation is the bomb). I find taking my 8 plus supplements a day and my weekly shot of B-12 in my lower back is easier than I ever thought it would be. Although the first time I took my vitamins and powders I was so full I couldn't eat my lunch. I have had to adjust to drinking my shake in the morning (I usually skipped breakfast due to the fact that it always made me sick) and now I can keep them down.
I already feel so much better mentally and physically. I feel braced for change and have an attitude of "bring it on and love it". Not only do I have such wonderful support from my family, but my Mom just found out she has it as well (its genetic) so we have teamed up as partners through this. Westin has jumped on board as well (he has no colon and that is usually where Celiac is attacking first) so I think its safe to say Wes will benefit from this change as well.
This year is going to be a great one. I have so much planned and so much I wanna do. I am going to walk forward and be thankful for where I am right now. I am happy. I have great friends and an amazing family. I am lucky.
metaphorically speaking...you can kiss my....:)
Well well well. It is amazing how much can happen within a little time frame. How much a little time can allow things to change so drastically and in more ways than one. Its been said that "time heals all things" and I used to think that this meant, if I waited patiently, all would go back to normal, like this change never happened..over time I have come to realize that much like a wound, we can heal and be better, but we most likely will always have that scar as a reminder that this change really did occur. To me the phrase "time heals all things" personally means that even though change is happening or happened, doesn't mean we get a do-over or we can mold back to our original shape, but we learn to adapt to our new shape and the change becomes our new norm. That scar will be there to remind us what we endured and what we can endure, but is now part of our past.
One of my main focuses Ive been trying to imply in my life is to live more in the present rather than dwell on my past, or try to see too far into the future. It tires me, and only brings me down to dwell on the things that have happened, or stress too much on what I want for my future. I'm trying to learn to be present in my life here and now.I used to think that I had to find someone in similar situations I find myself in to know that my life is somewhat "normal"....but that would mean that someone would have had to be the first to be in that situation to give others something to relate too. After thinking about this, I decided, why can't I be this person who paves a different path for others to relate to. I don't need to follow when I am perfectly capable of leading. Whether anyone "follows' doesn't matter, the point that matters is that I was brave enough to turn my path and trek onto unfamiliar ground. This is all metaphorically speaking of coarse
Ive been learning more and more lately to trust in myself. To love who I am and what I stand for, and to be proud of myself. This is not an easily acquired achievement. For someone to be able to say they love themselves and the person they are, is an ability that one is lucky to have and that many search for. It is also an ability that doesn't come easy, if there is anyone that says it does come easily, they are surely mistaken or born perfect. I choose to go with the first choice. I used to think that loving the person I am made me selfish, but that's wrong. Learning to love ourselves as a person humbles us. For someone to say, OK, I'm not perfect, I make some stupid decisions, but I love the person I am, is an amazing accomplishment that shouldn't be taken lightly. It is admitting we aren't perfect, it is admitting fault, not hiding or denying or blaming others. It is standing proud in our own feet. I can't honestly stand here today and say. I love myself completely, it is a process that is ever changing. It is something one must work to maintain. You don't reach a point of self accomplishment and then never have to work for it again. Its like a wild horse, you don't just tame it and then send it into the wild thinking it will stay tamed. You work with it, maintain it and that is what balances it out. What I can honestly say is that I do look into the mirror more lately and think, wow I look pretty today, or nice smile, I walk a little taller knowing I am me, I am flawed but i am ok with that. Being ok with being flawed makes me feel a whole lot better than feeling I have to be perfect.
One of my main focuses Ive been trying to imply in my life is to live more in the present rather than dwell on my past, or try to see too far into the future. It tires me, and only brings me down to dwell on the things that have happened, or stress too much on what I want for my future. I'm trying to learn to be present in my life here and now.I used to think that I had to find someone in similar situations I find myself in to know that my life is somewhat "normal"....but that would mean that someone would have had to be the first to be in that situation to give others something to relate too. After thinking about this, I decided, why can't I be this person who paves a different path for others to relate to. I don't need to follow when I am perfectly capable of leading. Whether anyone "follows' doesn't matter, the point that matters is that I was brave enough to turn my path and trek onto unfamiliar ground. This is all metaphorically speaking of coarse
Ive been learning more and more lately to trust in myself. To love who I am and what I stand for, and to be proud of myself. This is not an easily acquired achievement. For someone to be able to say they love themselves and the person they are, is an ability that one is lucky to have and that many search for. It is also an ability that doesn't come easy, if there is anyone that says it does come easily, they are surely mistaken or born perfect. I choose to go with the first choice. I used to think that loving the person I am made me selfish, but that's wrong. Learning to love ourselves as a person humbles us. For someone to say, OK, I'm not perfect, I make some stupid decisions, but I love the person I am, is an amazing accomplishment that shouldn't be taken lightly. It is admitting we aren't perfect, it is admitting fault, not hiding or denying or blaming others. It is standing proud in our own feet. I can't honestly stand here today and say. I love myself completely, it is a process that is ever changing. It is something one must work to maintain. You don't reach a point of self accomplishment and then never have to work for it again. Its like a wild horse, you don't just tame it and then send it into the wild thinking it will stay tamed. You work with it, maintain it and that is what balances it out. What I can honestly say is that I do look into the mirror more lately and think, wow I look pretty today, or nice smile, I walk a little taller knowing I am me, I am flawed but i am ok with that. Being ok with being flawed makes me feel a whole lot better than feeling I have to be perfect.
this secret you gave me, could destroy someone I care for.....don't let it slip
I love the feeling that people feel they can talk to me, but when you tell me a deep secret that will literally alter someones life, I can't help but wish you didn't steal that privacy from them. It ends with my ears!!
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