Falling

Okay so having faith, trusting, faith, and needing faith are so hard sometimes. Harder than one may think at times. I have days when I feel like I could rely on my faith for anything and you could turn my day upside down, but never shake my faith. And then there are days like today, when I feel like I have nothing spiritual to hold on to. I feel my faith is weak and with all these changes coming up I need my faith the most.
Something happened and without going into too much detail, life and decisions began to shift and change to make the future more clear and knowing. So just when I start to feel that its ok to trust that this is the right thing; stuff starts to happen to pull me back in the other direction, im swimming against the current and I dont know if I should keep swimming or just stop and let this "river" take me where it may. Ok this is too deep to even write, I dont know how to explain it. I just wish my faith would stay consistent but then again, why would it. How else do we learn to lean on our faith. Grrrr how do we lean on what isn't there.?