A STORY OF MANY YEARS! A LOVE AND A FRIENSHIP. TO ALL THINGS, WE MUST FIND AN END, BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE WE FIND NEW BEGINNINGS. (I have no idea why I am divulging this story, maybe I feel the need to spill over some juicy secrets) Hehe
So I have, (scratch that) had, this friend. Lets just say it all began years ago in a little class in junior high. Ok to be more specific it was Mrs. R's spanish class in Junior High. There was a boy..... little did I know that this boy would soon become my very reason for looking cute everyday in spanish class, and my secret joy of "long period" class day. He sat across from me and was oh so cute, I developed a crush. This crush soon led into a friendship which included exchanging secret goofy faces across class while Mrs. R repeatedly yelled at us all in spanish to try and engrave the meaning of the words into our brains. (ok she didn't really yell, she was a cool teacher). later throughout the year we began to pick eachother for assignment "buddies" and would work on our projects for most of the class together. They were blissful times to say the least. He was oh so cute and charming. I even baked him cookies.... The year ended as did my crush :( Although to be honest a little bit of it always lingered in my heart. Next year was high school, different friends, different classes, and different us. To say the least, "we" no longer were.
Fast forward 7 years... I am now living in Chicago and through the great power of facebook am once again connected to my "former love". We begin to chat and catch up on good times. ( I even revealed my super crush that I had on him to which his response was that he had no idea) We share great messages which then turn into phone calls and texts. 30 minute phone calls became 4 hour phone calls. Texts from how are you doing today? became whats up babe? I miss you. I guess you could say we re-entered the relm of "crush" but now we were 4 years older and wiser (pshhh) and were ready for a deeper commitment than a friendship bracelet or any ol' plate of cookies. We became confidents in eachother, the more we talked to eachother the more we revealed to eachother of our past and former loves. We became the greatest thing any relationship could ever have. We became best friends. Our very days were consumed with speaking to eachother via texts while at work, phone calls at night as I lay under the summer stars in Vermont (oh yeah did I fail to mention that I was now living in Vermont for the summer, our relationship was across many miles now). Our love became deep for eachother and we trusted eachother and relied on eachother, we were there for eachother. We had a relationship that others would be envious of.
Then it happened....He made the call saying that he was coming to see me in Chicago for the weekend and it hit me...This is real! This is serious. And I panicked. Ive seen in displayed in many movies before my time, for one reason or another, one or both people in a relationship panic. Julia Roberts did it all the time in The Runaway Bride (great movie by the way). So it's real right? Yes! Very real! I was head over heels, in panic. "Im too young for this", "I dont want this right now", "am I really in love with him" many thoughts plagued my mind. So I did what any normal girl in a fear of moving forward situation would do.. I lied to him.
That lie would change us forever. Not only would it mean the slow anialation of our relationship but the greatest loss, the loss of my best and closest friend. We eventually began to talk less and less. Our texts and calls were empty with no excitment or emotion in them. Talking daily became every other day or so, and this eventually became less and less until I was thinking to myself "wow I haven't spoken to him at all in over 2 months". It was odd, but it was right. I wasn't ready for this, and most importantly I wasn't "in love, love with him, which I think I knew all along, but didn't realize until things became serious. If I was in real love with him, I would have no fears. I would have anxiously awaited him at the airport. But the love I had for him was that of my best friend, my confident, my shoulder, my rock. It was over, it was all over. In the midst of all our "breakage" with no formal closure, he began to date another girl. This stung me to my core. Ok so I didn't love him, but really? I mean come on... OUCH! In the end, we both did some damage and broke eachothers hearts. It wasn't the loss of losing a love that hurt me so much, it was the loss of my best friend.
Fast forward another 2 years....He is now married to this girl he began to date while in our tail end (she has the same name as me) ironic or what? He is .... Happy. And that makes me happy. Im so glad for them, they are adorable together. And even though our friendship may be forever lost, I do not regret the frienship we had.
And now the unthinkable has happend, he decided to cut me from his life....(well at least his facebook life :) and thats okay, I didn't think it would hurt so bad, but it kinda did. But now I know that its what we need to fully move forward. And I wish him nothing but the greatest things in this life. I just secretly curse facebook sometimes. :)
Love you forever in some portion of my heart
B
No comments:
Post a Comment