Feeling the sting of a former love isn't all that fun.

A STORY OF MANY YEARS! A LOVE AND A FRIENSHIP. TO ALL THINGS, WE MUST FIND AN END, BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE WE FIND NEW BEGINNINGS. (I have no idea why I am divulging this story, maybe I feel the need to spill over some juicy secrets) Hehe

So I have, (scratch that) had, this friend. Lets just say it all began years ago in a little class in junior high. Ok to be more specific it was Mrs. R's spanish class in Junior High. There was a boy..... little did I know that this boy would soon become my very reason for looking cute everyday in spanish class, and my secret joy of "long period" class day. He sat across from me and was oh so cute, I developed a crush. This crush soon led into a friendship which included exchanging secret goofy faces across class while Mrs. R repeatedly yelled at us all in spanish to try and engrave the meaning of the words into our brains. (ok she didn't really yell, she was a cool teacher). later throughout the year we began to pick eachother for assignment "buddies" and would work on our projects for most of the class together. They were blissful times to say the least. He was oh so cute and charming. I even baked him cookies.... The year ended as did my crush :( Although to be honest a little bit of it always lingered in my heart. Next year was high school, different friends, different classes, and different us. To say the least, "we" no longer were.



Fast forward 7 years... I am now living in Chicago and through the great power of facebook am once again connected to my "former love". We begin to chat and catch up on good times. ( I even revealed my super crush that I had on him to which his response was that he had no idea) We share great messages which then turn into phone calls and texts. 30 minute phone calls became 4 hour phone calls. Texts from how are you doing today? became whats up babe? I miss you. I guess you could say we re-entered the relm of "crush" but now we were 4 years older and wiser (pshhh) and were ready for a deeper commitment than a friendship bracelet or any ol' plate of cookies. We became confidents in eachother, the more we talked to eachother the more we revealed to eachother of our past and former loves. We became the greatest thing any relationship could ever have. We became best friends. Our very days were consumed with speaking to eachother via texts while at work, phone calls at night as I lay under the summer stars in Vermont (oh yeah did I fail to mention that I was now living in Vermont for the summer, our relationship was across many miles now). Our love became deep for eachother and we trusted eachother and relied on eachother, we were there for eachother. We had a relationship that others would be envious of.

Then it happened....He made the call saying that he was coming to see me in Chicago for the weekend and it hit me...This is real! This is serious. And I panicked. Ive seen in displayed in many movies before my time, for one reason or another, one or both people in a relationship panic. Julia Roberts did it all the time in The Runaway Bride (great movie by the way). So it's real right? Yes! Very real! I was head over heels, in panic. "Im too young for this", "I dont want this right now", "am I really in love with him" many thoughts plagued my mind. So I did what any normal girl in a fear of moving forward situation would do.. I lied to him.



That lie would change us forever. Not only would it mean the slow anialation of our relationship but the greatest loss, the loss of my best and closest friend. We eventually began to talk less and less. Our texts and calls were empty with no excitment or emotion in them. Talking daily became every other day or so, and this eventually became less and less until I was thinking to myself "wow I haven't spoken to him at all in over 2 months". It was odd, but it was right. I wasn't ready for this, and most importantly I wasn't "in love, love with him, which I think I knew all along, but didn't realize until things became serious. If I was in real love with him, I would have no fears. I would have anxiously awaited him at the airport. But the love I had for him was that of my best friend, my confident, my shoulder, my rock. It was over, it was all over. In the midst of all our "breakage" with no formal closure, he began to date another girl. This stung me to my core. Ok so I didn't love him, but really? I mean come on... OUCH! In the end, we both did some damage and broke eachothers hearts. It wasn't the loss of losing a love that hurt me so much, it was the loss of my best friend.

Fast forward another 2 years....He is now married to this girl he began to date while in our tail end (she has the same name as me) ironic or what? He is .... Happy. And that makes me happy. Im so glad for them, they are adorable together. And even though our friendship may be forever lost, I do not regret the frienship we had.

And now the unthinkable has happend, he decided to cut me from his life....(well at least his facebook life :) and thats okay, I didn't think it would hurt so bad, but it kinda did. But now I know that its what we need to fully move forward. And I wish him nothing but the greatest things in this life. I just secretly curse facebook sometimes. :)

Love you forever in some portion of my heart

B

Its like.....I feel.....hmphh.....I just dont know....WHY

WHY?
THIS IS MY LIST OF LATELY WONDERINGS OF

WHY


1. WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO BE GRUMPY ALL THE TIME.....THERE REALLY IS NO POINT TO BEING THAT WAY.

2. WHY DOES IT SEEM THAT EVERYONE HAS GONE AWAY AND I CAN'T FIND THEM?

3. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY?

4. WHY CAN'T I JUST FIGURE IT OUT....?

5. WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE WANT JUSTIN BIEBER TO GRAB THEIR BUTT?

6. WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE WANT JUST BIEBER

7. WHY IS IT WE LIVE IN SUCH A BACKWARD SOCIETY?

8. WHY DO WE LISTEN TO SOME PEOPLE. WHEN THEIR OPINIONS MEAN JACK SQUAT!

AND WHY ON EARTH DO I WONDER THESE AND FEEL LIKE POSTING THEM HERE NOW...

HMMMMM TO ALL OF THE ABOVE

I JUST DONT KNOW

jAnUaRy

Well well well. January is zooming right on by...

January so far has been full of fun nights and days...karaoke night at Wingnuts with Nadia, Ross and Edgar! Good times at Applebees with Amanda S. and Collin, with a waiter who was having "one of those days"... that poor guy, but he made for a fun adventure. Quitting one of my jobs..( Seriously if I was a nanny one more day I would not ever have my own children). Trying to get more organized, yadi yaya.. but my most favorite part of this month and this year actually so far has to be the Grand Opening of the new St. George airport where Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave the most amazing dedicatory prayer. It was so amazing to get to be a part of this event which luckily we were early enough to get in. When the whole thing was done and over with (the main event anywho, the prayer and ribbon cutting and speaches) the line to get to the airport was still out to the new freeway..WOW.

I feel so lucky to have been that close to Pres, Uchtdorf in the flesh. He personally is my all time favorite apostle and so this was extra special for me. Mom and I checked Westin out of school early and went over and had so much fun. The energy there was so fun and most of the people were elderly which had to mean alot to them because they have been here for so long in the community.

One of my most important resolutions for this year is to be more involved and so I am forcing myself to not find excuses or be to busy to attend these little things and like the airport, BIG things. In fact I am going to go clean books at the library this weekend to help out. I can't wait. I hope to be more and more involved this year and I hope others do the same and try to help out the community and their friends whenever they can. I secretly hope to get HUG all up and running and put together as well. Big year ahead and I can't freakin wait.

Ummm I guess this is part 2 to my Quitting but lets call it Part 2 of that...and uh....Hello New Year!

So, as you may have guessed.....Yep....Quitting caffeine ended my world as I knew it...As I type this to you from beyond the grave, (yes they have WIFI here) I feel I should recollect my life and try to give you all advice.. Okay im not really dead.. Just sometimes feel like it.

Well it has been a plenty good amount of time since I have been on here to blog my random blog thoughts. I wish that I could say to you that in those few most precious months I had time to gather my thoughts and learn who I am and what I want from life, I visited the world and found the meaning of peace. I learned to taste food and enjoy it, I learned to love whole heartedly with all my heart and soul and I even spoke to a man like ghandi...nah he's like this ancient medicine man, anywho I became like his apprentice and now im like a whole new born sould and can't wait to start my new year. Okay so I just watched Eat Pray Love....its a good movie. Nah in all reality this is how those past few months REALLY went...

August! Summer is fading and im looking for a job. I wish I had my killer awesome tan still.
September! Welp were moving again... Yay
October! Moved into the new house..love it..animals outdoors now YAY!! No more poop to scoop.
November! Oh yeah I got 2 jobs.
December! Hmmm is it really winter? Talked to Casey on Chirstmas.. Muy Bueno.
January-aka NOW! Its frickin 2011 people. Go out and be somebody.... New Year here I come

Well that is the latest greatest! I know as of right now, my 2 followers were probably wondering "where on earth is Becky" , or "my life can't go on without reading these most random posts" Well my fans, calm yourself. I AM BACK!

Becky

Later Gator

Quitting part 1! What the heck am I going to do...

So its no secret that I am a huge fan of caffinated drinks. Infact I usually tend to hit up Dr. Copsi on a regular basis, and take the deep plunge down Mtn. Dew! At the end of my day I usually curl up with a cozy amount of my "manna from heaven" and watch some T.V or read a book. Completely normal right? Ummm NO! I hate the fact that I crave the icy cold beverages that are loaded with sugar and have absolutely no potential health benefits. Not to mention the usual break outs on my skin, the horrible headaches if I tend to slack on my slurpage, and the many many horrible health risks and effects. But even these drinks, which seem to be so wonderfully amazing yet are my horrible little enemy, are so difficult to quit. Ahh this must be that horrible thing they call an addiction. Well then I must take the proper steps. Hello my name is Becky and I have an addiction. And to be honest as I type this I just polished off a can of diet pepsi. Seems I may have my work cut out for me yet. But I am going to try my best to quit! This is what I will call part 1 of my three part quitting event. Part 2 will be about the middle probably most difficult part of this entire process. But if I can write about it real and raw in the moment, maybe I can look back on it as a reminder or a lesson that I dont ever want to go through it again. This is not by any means the first time I have quit or even attempted to quit. But this is the first time I will actually be open to myself and others about its reality. Wish me luck! I am for sure going to need plenty of it. ;)