Falling

Okay so having faith, trusting, faith, and needing faith are so hard sometimes. Harder than one may think at times. I have days when I feel like I could rely on my faith for anything and you could turn my day upside down, but never shake my faith. And then there are days like today, when I feel like I have nothing spiritual to hold on to. I feel my faith is weak and with all these changes coming up I need my faith the most.
Something happened and without going into too much detail, life and decisions began to shift and change to make the future more clear and knowing. So just when I start to feel that its ok to trust that this is the right thing; stuff starts to happen to pull me back in the other direction, im swimming against the current and I dont know if I should keep swimming or just stop and let this "river" take me where it may. Ok this is too deep to even write, I dont know how to explain it. I just wish my faith would stay consistent but then again, why would it. How else do we learn to lean on our faith. Grrrr how do we lean on what isn't there.?

People piss me off, thats all I have to say. To a certain lady in this world, this is my shout out to you! GET OVER YOURSELF AND STOP BEING SUCH A "*&(@#%$ YOUR NOT FOOLING ANYONE AND JUST BECAUSE YOUR "RICH" DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE IS BENEATH YOU. SO DEAL WITH IT YOU CRAZY WACK JOB AND BE NICE!
GRRRR
Ok I feel better!
Ok that sounds so super harsh, but if you knew this person like I do. You would have nothing but similar thoughts along with me. Ok bye
I feel better

I knew it......or did I?

I just talked to a friend who happens to be male, and he informed me that most guys probably wouldn't say things like dear ol' blogger Steve said! That made me sad, but since this informer also happens to be an ex I think im just gonna file his info in the "useless ex, why do you still talk to me" file! Grrrr, maybe he isn't like that, but someone else might be right. Ok let me also clear this up. I dont want a guy who is gonna turn out to be a complete sap, so ya if some guy turns out to be like Brenden Frasiers character on Bedazzled when he is the most sensitive guy on earth...haha then we got ourselves a big problemo.

Love at first........Hear?

So, I just read the most amazing blog post from a complete stranger, who seriously I may be in love with. Okay not really! :P But I do think it would be totally awesome if I found my own version of a man with a heart like my stranger blogger. So the main question im asking myself is this:
Can someone be so completely sweet and "perfect" and be real? Come on, based on past experiences for both me and my dear girl friends, we have been told pretty much EVERYTHING we want to hear, only to find that on the other side of those words was a shallow and "one track mind" kind of guy if you know what I mean! So how do we tell if the guy is for real? Maybe we will never know until we are 80 and have been married to the same sweet adorable man who for 50 years has called us darling, and opened our doors and showed us pure and deep true love. But who wants to wait until there 80 to find this "Romeo" or "Prince Charming"? I sure as heck dont! How do I find him now? Can I even find him? Does he even exsist? Who knows. All I know is I haven't found him yet, but until then I will continue to fall "in love" with the words which I want to believe are real of stranger bloggers like Steve! Who posted the following in his blog:
I love slow dancing: When we are driving down the road I hope you are sitting beside me like a teenager in love. Perhaps we are on some country road at midnight and Patsy Cline begins to sing "Crazy" or Led Zeplin's "Stairway to Heaven" comes on or maybethe Eagles" share with us "Hotel California" Some urge will overtake me and I will stop the truck and ask you to dance along the roadside with the music turned up and the doors open.
Chivalry: I can be all the gentleman you ever need. Please take a moment and wait for me to open your door. Please change places with me as we walk down a sidewalk hand in hand. (I am supposed to be on the street side, you know)
Rainy days by a fire: I can miss a little work for that
Candlelit dinners: Do you mind if I cook the meal and surprise you with this one?Long walks holding hands under the stars: are we both incurable romantics?My hand is held in your direction. Shall we dance?
*Sigh* Ok Im gonna go to sleep now so I can dream of this "perfect man" who is somewhere in this world for me! hehehe

Chompers!

Okay, so the other day in my dental class, I discovered something new about myself. I seriously have a deep interest and fasination with teeth. I knew as soon as I pulled out those x-rays from being processed and held them up to the light, that this is something I love! I never would have pegged myself a dental person personally because first off, I Hate: Needles, blood, spit, germs, etc etc. But my heart has always pulled me to the medical area some way or another. Now that I have decided to give this a shot, Im loving it.

I think that once we face our fears in a sense, we can truelly overcome them or learn how strong we really are. Now days, you should see me when I have to have blood drawn. I dont cry anymore :) thats a big step for me. Oh and I had to pull glass out of a childs foot the other day; and loved the fact that I could help him, but it also fascinated me the way the glass came out. Call me crazy! I actually think I am stronger than I give myself credit for. Yay! Now im not saying you will see me in an operatory anytime soon. But ya never know.

Atleast I know that I am able and that if I could anyway make a kids dental experience less scary than my childhood dental experiences, than Im doing pretty ok!